Mondays

Full of anxiety since I opened my eyes at five o'clock this morning. No reason. Just the feeling in the pit of my stomach and probably you can see it on my face if you know me well enough. But I'm at work, doing my best to put it aside and just continue with my day. It's my lunch hour now and I ate at my desk, as I usually do, and started reading a book. But I wish there were someone I could talk to, someone I could be with. I wish I were somewhere else.

I keep wondering if this will ever fade away or if it stay with me for the rest of my life. I keep wondering where this came from and why it's happening. I keep wondering if I move whether or not these feelings will adjust back to normal or if they will continue. I keep wondering. . .

Mondays are often the worst days for feeling this way. Last week wasn't so bad because we were off on Monday for a holiday. Then I knew I only had to be at work for three days because I was going to a meeting that I enjoy at another location on Friday. So it wasn't a bad week to look forward to. But there's absolutely nothing bad about this week either. No testing. No evening obligations. Just routine work that I can do and do well.

I wish I could figure this out. I wonder if I ever will.