I'm driving across State Road 60, in the middle of the state of Florida. I'm going over a canal and there's a long turn in the road after that. I'm heading east. It's a bright, hot day. I'm wearing sunglasses and driving the Mustang I used to have. I don't know why I'm thinking of this since in reality I'm sitting at work, in the middle of downtown Paterson, NJ, wishing I were anywhere but here. Is that why I'm thinking about SR 60? Because I don't want to be where I am?
Sometimes I think I'm walking out of the Jordan Marsh at the West Palm Beach Mall where I haven't been in more years than I can remember. More than ten years, I'm sure. I remember getting my first second hole pierced into my ear. I only had one ear double-pierced because I liked the assymetry. I was with Karen, my sister-in-law who is dead now. I got a gold star and might still have that. I was 26 years old and hadn't even had my son yet.
Sometimes I think about other things, other places, other people. Is it an escape for me? Is it just to make me remember other things, other times, other people? Things that no longer exist for me and never will again? Do I grieve the past more than I imagine? Do other people?
I'm not unhappy. Am I? Sometimes I think I'm lonely because there are so many strangers around me. That's probably why I like to go to the same restaurant all the time - because I do see people there that I know and who smile when they see us. It's not the food. It's the people. So why don't I get this at work? Because I'm not "special" at work? I was in Florida (or at least I felt as though I was), but I'm just a routine person here.
So I have a memory of driving alone, heading home to a place that no longer exists for me. A place I destroyed.
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3 comments:
Last night I dreamed about a kitchen where the sink was overflowing with dishes. And my mother was trying to prepare some food. She had left some small roundish vivid green (a dark color, but shiny) peels in the corner of the sink that I had to move before starting on the dishes.
OK, I can figure out about the dishes -- it's a chore I don't like doing and I feel guilty when I don't. But why my mother? She's been dead for a something over 8 years and I never was very close to her when she was alive. And is the color of the vegetable peels an issue?
Dreams are sometimes fascinating to me. This one is quite interesting and probably does have some meanings to it but I have no idea what they might be. Maybe the vegetables represent money? Do you need more money? I don't know. Thank you for sharing though. :o)
You've been tagged. See the rules at http://theamortizationofgoodwill.blogspot.com/
but as you well know, there are no rules.
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