The anxiety returned on Thursday after I had one of those strange brain episodes. Is there a connection? There must be, but what is it? I've been to two different doctors about this and they don't think it's anything except stress. What stress? Living here? Not living in the south? Not living near Patrick? Will I have to deal with this for another three years? Longer?
Questions without answers.
I want to feel content. I want to feel sheltered and loved (I do and am) by more people. I want real friends but I would rather spend time with Russell than with other people. If we had couple friends it would work, but we don't so we do everything together which is fine with me but without anyone else.
I'm so glad Patrick and Kristin are coming for Christmas this year. I was shocked when he told me. I didn't think they'd want to spend their first married Christmas away from home, but it's not really their home - just where they live like where I live too. Still, they will make Christmas so much more special. I'm so lucky. Thanksgiving will just be Russell and me and that's kind of nice too. We can make it quiet and low-keyed.
But, even after saying all of this, the anxiety remains. I know it will go away. It goes away for awhile and then returns. It just isn't fair. Dear Lord, please give me strength.
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