Yo-Yo

Up and down. Up and down. These moods are not stabilizing and I am growing to hate it more and more. Taking my meds more often and it helps for a little while and then the help dissipates and I feel the oddness returning, first through my stomach and then into my nervous system. But I don't say anything about it. I just do my best to be who I am.

I keep getting the weirdest remembrances of things that I've done before, places I've been before. It's so weird. Mirror Lake in St. Petersburg. Different streets and highways where I've been before in years past. So strange.

It is beautiful today - at least for now. Sunny but a bit cool. We had breakfast out as we usually do on the week-end. Russell worked this morning for a few hours so when we came home he took a nap.

I need to dust but I have no desire to do anything other than the laundry and even that is an effort but I'm a bit obsessed with the laundry - always have been, I guess. Also need to empty the dishwasher which won't take long, but I have no desire to do anything.

I wonder if I lived in VB if I would feel this way now. I don't want to go back, understand. It's just something I wonder. I had good years there but there were bad ones too. But I had many years with my son there and that matters the most. I miss him so and thought I'd gotten through the wedding and was adjusting to everything. Apparently not. Apparently I have a lot of unresolved issues in my life that I can't even identify.

Up and down. Up and down. My life and feelings go on and on. Asking for help. Please.