Anxiety

It's still here, creeping up on me after I've taken my medicine, when nothing particularly unusual has happened. Am I going to have to live with this the rest of my life? I don't know how I'll manage. There are times when I think I know what needs to change in my life in order for the anxiety to diminish but it's almost impossible to describe. I think about my past, the problems I had but didn't create these feelings then. Was I more at peace with my life overall? With where we lived? Who my friends were? With what I did? I don't believe this. There is one good thing that is missing from my world now that I had then, but he's not gone - just grown up and doing his own thing. The wedding this past week-end was absolutely great and I'm so glad for both of them. They are lucky people to have each other.

I have three more days off from work and then it's back to the routine which shouldn't be a problem but seems to create stress for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't have anyone there who I'm truly close to - a few people I enjoy, but it's not the same.

Whine, whine, whine. I'm going to start taking the red pill more often - 1/2 at a time. I hope it helps.